Anyways...I head to the counselor down the hall and ask her assistant if I can see her now because it's an emergency. The whole time I talked to Mrs. Owen I tried my best not to cry. I told her that the only two people i can really talk to about this is Fe and Bobbi. Fe just stops me in the middle of things and hugs me or tells me its okay. I DONT WANT THAT! I'm talking to you, listen. I need to this out but I keep getting interrupted so I just act like there's nothing more I have to say. Then Bobbi...i love this girl but fuck! She won't even listen for a second. She tells me to stop talking about it,..NO! I went through the most traumatic experience of my life and you want me to keep it in? If you want it, then do it but don't stop me from bettering myself. This really pisses me off. Mrs. Owen said that people have their own pace, well i can't wait around. If their not going to be here for me then whatever. I'm not wasting my time trying with them anymore. So i called my mom and told her i needed her at the school but she wouldn't come. I told her i NEEDED her at the school and she said no. I don't weaken myself for others. I do not tell people I NEED them unless i feel the need for them to know. I've only ever told people twice that i NEED them and meant it. With Fe and with my mom today on the phone. She showed up half an hour later. By this time Owen's took me to the nurses to let out the tears so no one would have to see it in class. I locked myself in the nurse's bathroom, sat on the floor, wrapped my arms around my knees and cried for 25 minutes. Thats when i heard my mom was there and left. She hasn't said anything else...what do I do? How do I deal with this now? I have an appointment at 4:30 with this therapist today. I hope this helps because I'm running out of options.
Tuesday, November 17
Bad Day At School
Written November 11, 2009 {Myspace}
I went back to school this past tuesday and Was laughed at before the final morning bell even rang. This asshole Dylan laughed because I got hit by a car..?? Excuse me, but i don't see any funny in that. It's wednesday now and i can't take it anymore. I hate when people stare and it's all they do. I've flipped my hair to the other side of my face, hoping people won't see my eye. I'm a very confident person but I've been feeling so ugly lately. I know i'm fucking gorgeous but damn this eye is bringing me down. I can't get through a class without someone bringing up my accident. Then at lunch this bitch Kayla tries to say that she completely understands what i'm going through because she was hit by a car when she was on her moped. Alisha told her it's not the same and she says, "Yes it is cause i got a concussion on my head." WTF? ON your head? I stood up, grabbed my bag, looked at her and said exactly this, "I'm sorry but that fucking pisses me off! You don't know shit about me or what I've been through. No one can get a fucking word through because your busy relating it back to yourself. I fucking hate when people compare what I've been through to themselves. You don't know shit. I'm not you. Fuck this." &Then walked out of the lunch room, to the office, took my pain killer and headed to see the counselor. I've reached my point of too far. I've held my tongue and asked people nicely to leave me alone about it but it doesn't stop. These immature ass holes have gone too far. I should have beat that guys ass yesterday that asked me in the hall, "How stupid do you have to be to walk in front of a car?" Are you serious?! &Every time someone has seen my eye, they cringe at the sight. YOUR ALL FUCKING PUSSIES! If my eye is seriously the worst thing you've seen then your more ignorant than i thought you were. I've been giving these pricks more credit than they can even comprehend. I can't wait to graduate.
Anyways...I head to the counselor down the hall and ask her assistant if I can see her now because it's an emergency. The whole time I talked to Mrs. Owen I tried my best not to cry. I told her that the only two people i can really talk to about this is Fe and Bobbi. Fe just stops me in the middle of things and hugs me or tells me its okay. I DONT WANT THAT! I'm talking to you, listen. I need to this out but I keep getting interrupted so I just act like there's nothing more I have to say. Then Bobbi...i love this girl but fuck! She won't even listen for a second. She tells me to stop talking about it,..NO! I went through the most traumatic experience of my life and you want me to keep it in? If you want it, then do it but don't stop me from bettering myself. This really pisses me off. Mrs. Owen said that people have their own pace, well i can't wait around. If their not going to be here for me then whatever. I'm not wasting my time trying with them anymore. So i called my mom and told her i needed her at the school but she wouldn't come. I told her i NEEDED her at the school and she said no. I don't weaken myself for others. I do not tell people I NEED them unless i feel the need for them to know. I've only ever told people twice that i NEED them and meant it. With Fe and with my mom today on the phone. She showed up half an hour later. By this time Owen's took me to the nurses to let out the tears so no one would have to see it in class. I locked myself in the nurse's bathroom, sat on the floor, wrapped my arms around my knees and cried for 25 minutes. Thats when i heard my mom was there and left. She hasn't said anything else...what do I do? How do I deal with this now? I have an appointment at 4:30 with this therapist today. I hope this helps because I'm running out of options.
Anyways...I head to the counselor down the hall and ask her assistant if I can see her now because it's an emergency. The whole time I talked to Mrs. Owen I tried my best not to cry. I told her that the only two people i can really talk to about this is Fe and Bobbi. Fe just stops me in the middle of things and hugs me or tells me its okay. I DONT WANT THAT! I'm talking to you, listen. I need to this out but I keep getting interrupted so I just act like there's nothing more I have to say. Then Bobbi...i love this girl but fuck! She won't even listen for a second. She tells me to stop talking about it,..NO! I went through the most traumatic experience of my life and you want me to keep it in? If you want it, then do it but don't stop me from bettering myself. This really pisses me off. Mrs. Owen said that people have their own pace, well i can't wait around. If their not going to be here for me then whatever. I'm not wasting my time trying with them anymore. So i called my mom and told her i needed her at the school but she wouldn't come. I told her i NEEDED her at the school and she said no. I don't weaken myself for others. I do not tell people I NEED them unless i feel the need for them to know. I've only ever told people twice that i NEED them and meant it. With Fe and with my mom today on the phone. She showed up half an hour later. By this time Owen's took me to the nurses to let out the tears so no one would have to see it in class. I locked myself in the nurse's bathroom, sat on the floor, wrapped my arms around my knees and cried for 25 minutes. Thats when i heard my mom was there and left. She hasn't said anything else...what do I do? How do I deal with this now? I have an appointment at 4:30 with this therapist today. I hope this helps because I'm running out of options.
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